Dear Mr. Arenas,
You’re a good guy and a great basketball player. Youíve got more range than Southwest Airlines, and contrary to recent events, any Wizards fan would tell you youíve got a good heart and have always been there to back up your teammates. When the Wizards first acquired you from the Golden State Warriors you showed Washington D.C. you were a standup guy: honest, funny and always willing to tell it like it is. In an age of canned press-statements and players abusing the media, hilarity ensued whenever you found a microphone and someone to listen. But Gil, in case you havenít noticed, youíre the joke now. Your team is the butt of jokes nationwide, and itís approaching Washington Nationals territory. The reason for this isnít stemming from your recent run-in with the law, but the monstrosity you call your ego. This time you crossed the line.
On Dec. 24, 2009, you admitted to storing guns, though unloaded, in the Wizards locker room. Smart move. Not only did you violate NBA policy by bringing firearms onto NBA property, but you broke Washington D.C. law as well. Your nickname may be ìAgent 0,” but you probably have as much qualification to operate a gun as ìThe Situation” from ìJersey Shore” (However, Iím pretty sure heís carrying more guns than you). Later, it was reported that you got into an argument with teammate Javaris Crittenton and someone held up a gun at some point during the fiasco. All judgments aside ó well, who am I kidding? Itís impossible not to judge you. You may be a notorious prankster across the league, but that doesnít play into things anymore. Now youíre a flat-out idiot. Should you face any federal charges, the Wizards have the right to void your contract, leaving almost 90 million dollars to spend. While it pains me to see this breakup, they have absolutely no choice. To an organization thatís struggling at full strength, this is the absolute last thing that needed to happen.
And it gets worse. Iím not even that mad about you bringing firearms into the locker room. What Iím really ticked off at is your honesty and your overblown ego.† A day before getting suspended indefinitely by NBA commissioner David Stern, in your pre-game grouping with the team you got down on two knees and began shooting off two finger pistols. A couple days before, you ó or should I say your lawyer ó issued a statement saying something along the lines of how no one should ever joke about guns and that this is a serious issue. Then you go out before a game and make a complete mockery of that. I am disappointed to call myself a fan. (Well, you and Andray Blatche).
When people ask me who my favorite basketball team is, Iíve had the misfortune of informing them itís the Washington Wizards. With you coming off another knee surgery, I really thought this would be a good year, with you, Caron ìTuff Juice” Butler, Antawn ìGet Me Out of Here” Jamison and Deshawn ìClevelandís Favorite” Stevenson. I had hope, but then December hit. You decided to bring an artillery large enough to make Delonte West cringe into the Verizon Center.† Then as the season progressed I realized Iíd much rather be watching ìThe Secret Life of the American Teenager” and realizing that my childhood was, like, so totally lame.
Itís already been a trying season for the Wizards with owner, Abe Pollin, passing away. As one of the most important philanthropists in the Washington D.C. area, Pollin moved the Baltimore Bullets to D.C. Oh, and he also changed the name in 1997 to help overcome overtones of violent crime in the D.C. area. Pollin was a fighter for non-violence, and you completely stand for what he so vehemently stood against. Youíre a hypocrite, a dishonest person and you straight up just donít get it.
Finally, Gil, the worst part for me isnít your absence from the team. Every sign is pointing towards blowing it all up and starting over. I donít care anymore. The worst part is going to school in the Cleveland area and having obnoxious Cavaliers fans talk about you. Theyíre entirely too happy ó like when Dick Vitale does color commentating for a Duke basketball game happy. Iím miserable.
I agree with David Stern with your suspension. You took a joke too far, and when you were expected to act mature about it, you decided your jokester persona was far more important. Take your time off, and if you prove somehow youíve changed, Iíll be willing to welcome you back. Now if youíll excuse me, I have to go pretend to be a Washington Capitals fan.
Sincerely,
Jason Weingardt
P.S.: I hear ìThe Real World D.C.” needs an ex-basketball player. You know what to do.