Brick Stone
Truth Seeker
Wooster students returning from Spring Break were surprised to discover McGaw Chapel had began its return voyage to its mother planet, Presbyteria.
Many had previously noted McGaw’s peculiar architectural features, often jokingly saying that it looked more like a spaceship than a chapel. Only a select few in the physics department had any suspicions that the running joke actually had some merit.
The captain of the spaceship, who took control upon being appointed the Interfaith Chaplain at The College of Wooster, Rev. Alexander Serna-Wallender, was determined to return to the mother planet soon.
“Once we arrive to Presbyteria, our society will be able to steal humanity’s inventions and create a utopian society. We will have Convocation every day! We will have symphonies, choirs and lecture series, only using bagpipes! We will have the acoustics of the Royal Albert Hall, if it had suffered a massive fire, earthquake and was also a spaceship.”
It was discovered that underneath the bedrock of where McGaw once stood, the entire Wooster Chorus was found laboring in an underground factory, fracking the ground for fuel that could incentivize the return to Earth.
Upon hearing news that a vacancy had opened in hosting the Baccalaureate reception during the College’s Commencement Weekend, local businesses have been vying for the spot. At the top of the list is Wooster’s hippest and coolest nightclub, the Vault, who has offered “a free bucket of beer to any College graduate who correctly spells ‘Baccalaureate.’”