A new kind of phishing scandal: actual fish


Flaky Rings
Obsessive Golf Fanboy

Staff at the Lowry Center front desk confirmed that on the morning of March 26, every student at the College received a fish in their mailbox.

Peter Mackelmore ’19, who works the morning shift at the desk on Mondays, confirmed that 15 boxes of fish had been delivered to the campus mail slot at some point before his shift began. When asked why he continued to sort the fish into student mailboxes, he said that he had not seen anything wrong at the time.

“I guess it was a little weird,” Mackelmore said. “But each fish was labeled with a sticker corresponding to a mailbox number, and they were properly sorted. That’s better than we usually get, even for really important mail, like pizza coupons, so I just figured, ‘whatever.’”

Cynthia Sturgeon ’20, who works the same shift at the Information Technology (I.T.) help desk in Morgan Hall, said that she had received over 500 calls about the incident. In a Twitter post, I.T. called for students to reset their account passwords “just in case it might help.” A later post retweeted by Residence Life advised students to avoid cooking the fish in Douglass Hall’s fireplace.

“We’ll be sending out a mass e-mail and hosting events soon with more details about what students can do,” Sturgeon said, refusing to comment on whether I.T.’s fish suit would be used at said events. “We strongly advise the student body to check the junk folder every hour so they don’t miss it.”

Although a Campus Dining Services worker was seen removing a gigantic pile of fish in the mail room’s recycling bin, Marjorie Shamp, then still director of campus dining services, confirmed that the fish would not be used for Friday’s dinner.

However, she said she admired that the fish represented a “diverse culinary selection.” Shamp confirmed that fish included “wild-caught Alaskan salmon, farm-raised New England mackerel and premium canned sardines.”

“It’s hard to say exactly why the fish were put in mailboxes since we’re in the middle of so many holidays this weekend,” Shamp said. “But I can say that all this encourages me to host a fish special for Taste Test Tuesday.”