Victoria Horvath
One of the many problems we have been discussing on campus is sexual assault. Fortunately, k(NO)w has taken on campus policies, but what else can we do to change the hearts of students, staff and faculty?
My philosophy is that positive change happens through education. Full disclosure: I am the education chair of Generation Wooster (formerly Wooster VOX). This means that I put on presentations regarding safe sex practices, but the most important discussion that we have is regarding consent. Consent relates to everything that we talk about in sex education.
In order to have consent, partners must have full knowledge of what they are consenting to. In my first year, I was horrified to learn that some students agree to have sex without knowing what sex actually is! This is an obvious effect of inadequate sex education in schools, but some people define sex in different ways. For example, some people define sex as penetration only, but others may define sex as any stimulation of sexual organs. Both partners should know exactly what the other is intending to do, and agree to it. It’s okay if you both don’t want to do the same thing! Just do the things that you do agree to.
In order to have consent partners must not be coerced or convinced. This seems obvious, but is often muddled by social beliefs. In our culture, we are taught that at times we are “deserving” of sex. However, this is false. No one is ever owed sex. Just because someone did something for you, even had sex with you, does not mean that you have to do it again.
In order to have consent, partners must be enthusiastic. Body language speaks volumes about what a person is feeling. If someone is saying yes, but they are as far away from you as possible, that indicates that there may be a disconnect. Perhaps they don’t feel completely comfortable. On the contrary, if they really like getting in your space, but are saying no, it still means no! This is continual, too! If your partner goes rigid in the middle of sex, you should stop and ask what they would like to do. Perhaps they want to stop, or they want to do something else.
In order to have consent, you must communicate. You should not gauge what your partner is feeling just by looking at them. A simple way to communicate is with the stoplight system. Ask your partner how they are feeling, and they can respond with a simple color answer. “Green” means “Good! Keep doing this!” “Yellow” means “I don’t like this as much, let’s go back to green.” “Red,” a safeword, or dropping something if your mouth is occupied, means “Stop.” Finally, “blue” means “Let’s take a break (to smoke, go to the bathroom, eat, etc).” Communication is very important when talking about future plans or things you may want to try. Some people like to make lists of things they want to try, then exchange them with their partner(s). The partner(s) can then mark whether they would really like to try it, might be willing to try it, or do not want to try it. This way, you have something established between partners, and you know what’s off limits.
There are many more aspects to consent that I haven’t discussed here, but the main concept is that sex is supposed to be enjoyable! Consent is not a burden, but something that makes sex even better because everyone is sharing their wants and needs. Consent is required, so make sure you are communicating with your partner(s) every time you have sex. As stated, there’s a lot more to be discussed regarding these issues. If you have questions or would like to learn more, Generation Wooster meets on Saturdays at 4 p.m. in Lowry 119.