Camille Carr
Contributing Editor
Last week, when talking to a friend about the new romantic relationship she was embarking on, I used a “Riverdale” metaphor. With serious conviction, I told her she needed to date an Archie and not a Jughead.
This same friend and I started watching “Riverdale” together during the stay-at-home orders, because why not? Little did we know, it would become an unshakeable obsession that now stands as a pillar of our friendship.
“Riverdale” is a CW teen drama with plotlines that are inconsistent at best and tone-deaf at worst. There have been murders, serial killer genes, multiple gang conflicts, secret siblings, musicals, prison fight clubs, romance and painfully obvious product placements. If you are a teen drama connoisseur like me, you will notice that “Riverdale” is the perfect combination of many popular teen dramas that have debuted since the dawn of the new millennia. It has a moody and mysterious writer-type narration like “One Tree Hill,” the deeply inappropriate teacher-student grooming and insidious mysteries like “Pretty Little Liars,” and high schoolers breaking into spontaneous song and dance like “Glee.” “Riverdale” has the typical smattering of love triangles, teen pregnancy and hypersexualized teens.
All of this being said, I do believe everyone should give the show a shot. Even when “Riverdale” is not trying to be funny, it leaves me gasping for breath after laughing so hard. And if laughing makes you live longer, what are you waiting for? Here are three reasons why you needed to start watching “Riverdale,” like, yesterday.
- Hiram Lodge’s Shenanigans
Talk show host Kelly Ripa’s husband Mark Consuelos has been the primary villain in “Riverdale” since season two. The seasoned soap opera alumnus is a major asset to the “Riverdale” cast. As a result, he is always the villain. To avoid making it too dull for viewers, the writers have done a great job giving his character, Hiram Lodge, an array of devious interests. This man has dipped his toe in making rum, framing teenagers for murder, investing in an illegal prison fight club, selling drugs, poisoning water reservoirs, bribing government officials, mining precious metals and building a private prison and using prison labor to mine for said precious metals. Not to mention, he’s also supposed to be in the mob?
- The Parents Are Hot
The parents on this show are so beautiful it’s unfair. Their parenting choices are sometimes questionable but they’re very beautiful.
- The Musical Episodes
These actors were not hired for their singing ability; the frequent use of autotune makes that pretty clear. Nevertheless, that doesn’t stop the “Riverdale” writers from writing a musical episode into every season and having the characters put on a musical number at the drop of a hat. It does not take a karaoke night in the town of “Riverdale” for someone to start belting a contemporary hit or a popular show tune.
“Riverdale” is absolutely ridiculous, and I cannot say many characters are moral exemplars. However, I do believe becoming a “Riverdale” fan re-instilled an important lesson in me: Never take yourself too seriously or you might miss out on a really good time.