I still remember the first time I was harassed at a college party. After kissing a woman I was seeing at the time, half the room went up in wolf whistles and we were quickly surrounded by random guys. Most of them were strangers. More upsetting to me, though, was that a few of them were classmates. I might have even considered one of them a friend.
This experience isn’t uncommon. It has happened many more times to me, and I know that I’m not the only one who’s felt unsafe by someone’s predatory behavior in a party setting. Those of us who have been harassed know that our classmates and colleagues can take on a whole new presence when they feel that no one’s watching. We’re groped at parties, our drinks are made just a little too strong or someone takes pictures of us we wish they hadn’t. Those of us who feel violated are then told to change our behavior to avoid similar treatment in the future. We’re asked to correct our dress or watch what’s in our cups, because surely any misfortune that would befall us if we didn’t would be our fault. The truth is, though, that it shouldn’t just be our responsibility to protect ourselves: men need to call each other out on their predatory behavior.
We hear so often that men on this campus call themselves feminists or want to be allies to their non-male classmates. However, I would argue that being a good ally isn’t just about respecting space — it’s about stepping in when you see someone else violating it, too. Men have unique power in that they can hold each other accountable. When a woman or non-binary person calls out a man, we’re complaining. Sometimes we’re even called liars. Men, on the other hand, have the ability to police each other.
I have seen very few men take advantage of this systemic power, and while it’s inexcusable, I understand why. No one wants to divide their loyalties. It’s difficult to tell someone you care about that their behavior is predatory. However, making a party awkward or a friend uncomfortable is often the right thing to do. Stepping in and breaking up a coercive conversation, or stopping a friend from taking someone home who is very obviously intoxicated, can be more impactful than you know. In extreme situations, you may have to evaluate the friendship and decide that repeated, malicious behavior from someone merits burning a bridge. Men have the power to control the norms of party culture — so when they demonstrate through their actions that taking advantage of others isn’t okay, their peers will follow suit in time.
There will always be a reason why we shouldn’t call out our friends. But excuse after excuse has become tiresome. Non-male students have a right to feel safe on campus in any setting, and it shouldn’t entirely be our jobs to keep ourselves safe. I urge the men of this campus to use their voices: they are able to speak the loudest when it comes to party culture.
Olivia Proe, a Viewpoints Editor for the Voice, can be reached for comment at OProe21@wooster.edu.