Squiggly Liver
Nostalgic Bowler
Several interviews have recently surfaced revealing that Dean of Students Scott Brown decided to remove Scot Lanes over his bitterness for losing his own high school bowling championship.
Brown’s true motivations first came to light in an interview with the construction worker in charge of overseeing the Lowry basement renovations. The worker, who asked to remain anonymous, details a conversation that took place between him and Brown in April 2017.
“Whenever we talked about the technicalities of tearing down Scot Lanes, he got this malicious glint in his eye, and his whole face would harden,” the construction worker said. “I got the impression that he didn’t care about what replaced Scot Lanes… as long the bowling alley was gone.”
In an interview, Brown’s mother told the Vice about her son’s dark history with bowling.
“Scott began bowling as soon as he was strong enough to hold an eight pound ball,” Mrs. Brown said. “He became captain of his high school bowling team sophomore year.”
When asked how Brown came to hate bowling, his mother cited the High School Bowling Championships of 1993.
“It was his senior year, and he was so prepared. In the weeks leading up to the championship, he refused to write or eat with his dominant arm, for fear of tiring it out,” Mrs. Brown said.
“But in the championships, something just went wrong, nothing clicked. He had a 7-10 split in the final frame that he couldn’t hit, and his team ended up in second place,” Mrs. Brown said.
“That’s when he started wearing the baseball caps,” Mrs. Brown continued. “He used to always wear bowler hats, but after losing the championship, he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.”
President Sarah Bolton was not surprised to learn about Brown’s past.
“I remember the first time I showed him around campus,” Bolton said. “When we passed Scot Lanes, he kind of just stood there, taking it all in. And then I could have sworn I heard him mutter ‘Oh, this needs to go,’ under his breath.”
Brian Casey, the president of Colgate University, the school Brown used to work for, said he did the same thing at Colgate.
“Colgate University used to have a bowling alley. But when we hired Scott Brown, everything changed,” Casey said.
When asked to comment on his motivations behind tearing down Scot Lanes, Brown cited a survey that no one seemed to remember taking.
“A survey, sent out to all students, indicated it was time for Scot Lanes to go,” Brown said, looking wistfully at the Jason Belmonte poster hanging above his desk. “It will remain a crucial part of Wooster’s history, but these students need to live in reality, which isn’t always a perfectly oiled maple-wood lane.”