Michael Hatchett
A&E Editor
I am not a good gift giver. I once gave a one-year-old child a journal. I once gave my infirm grandmother a set of tennis balls. For my ex-girlfriend’s graduation present, I gave her mono.
So why am I writing a guide on what gifts you should give one of the most important people in your life? Several reasons. 1) I don’t think anyone will actually take advice from a campus newspaper on anything, let alone anything involving actual money. 2) People say that when you write, you should write what you know because you’ll be good at it. By that logic, if you write what you don’t know, you’ll be really, really good at it. 3) The person who wants the job the least is usually best for that job. George Washington was really good at being president because he really didn’t want to be. That’s why he was only president for like nine years and then was like “I’m tired, I’m going home, wait, first let me sing this awesome duet with Alexander Hamilton.”
For your Significant Other who loves Bogart and Broadway: The Singing Detective (1986 BBC Miniseries) I know, I know, just the title makes it sound terrible. The actual description isn’t much better: a hallucinating writer suffering from psoriasis starts imagining one of his stories featuring the patients and doctors that occupy the hospital that he’s staying in. But I’m telling you it works. It’s Twin Peaks meets Pennies From Heaven meets The Maltese Falcon. It’s unlike anything you or your significant other has ever seen in the best way possible. Also it features Michael Gambon as the lead who you might recognize as, oh, I don’t know, friggin’ DUMBLEDORE. It makes the series even more fun if you imagine the whole story as a young Dumbledore origin story.
For your Significant Other who appreciates excellent pop records: Emotion by Carly Rae Jepsen. There are two people in this world: people who unironically love “Call Me Maybe,” and liars. But even if you loved that song, Carly Rae Jepsen has moved on from it and so should you. Instead of trying to recreate her megahit, CRJ has released one of the most underrated pop albums of the last few years. Emotion is not the same CRJ that sang “Call Me Maybe” and her other fun-but-unsubstantial songs featured on her 2012 album Kiss. Emotion features a more mature, experienced Jepsen who churns out catchy, fun and undeniably well-written pop songs. With standouts like “Run Away With Me” and “Your Type,” Emotion is an album that will satisfy everyone, even if you hated “Call Me Maybe.”
For your Significant Other who likes Manchester United and automobiles: Rocket League. Rocket League is a game where you play soccer while driving really fast cars. Do I need to say anything else? It is nearly without flaw and features a company that has one of the best relationships with its fans that I’ve ever seen in my two decades of playing video games. It’s available on Steam and PS4 right now but I’m sure that it will eventually be elected as “Official Video Game of the World” and then everyone will get to play it all the time. This game kicks ass.
For your Significant Other who definitely likes music but you don’t really feel confident enough to give them an entire album but the prospect of an iTunes gift card worries you because it seems impersonal: A year of Spotify premium.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you really want to show your love for someone, make sure that they’ll never hear another Spotify ad in their entire life. For extra significant other bonus points: create a couple Spotify playlists for your SO that they can listen ad-free. Make them a study playlist, a workout playlist (but be careful, you don’t want to suggest that they need to work out because even if you think that they do, they definitely do not. They look beautiful.) and a playlist that describes you two as a couple.
It’s like making them a whole series of mix CDs except without the hassle of writing and rewriting the tracklist on a piece of notebook paper. Just kidding, we all know that’s the best part. Maybe just do that.