Ben Heavenrich!
Anyong Cohen
Believes in Mermaids
To show our unwavering support and appreciation for the college’s newly implemented party monitor policy, the Voice has decided to recognize the heroic volunteers who keep the system afloat with a regular Features installment, “Party Monitor of the Week.”
For his steadfast ability to tame even the most wild of parties, the Voice would like to recognize Ben Heavenrich ’14 as this week’s prevailing party monitor! There is nary a drop of alcohol sipped nor a bong hit so long as Heavenrich is around to put a stop to it.
“I can’t think of a way that I would rather spend a Friday or Saturday night,” said Heavenrich. “Nothing compares to the rush that I get when I take a beer away from someone under 21 or kick the 36th person out of an unregistered party. I really should thank the school for allowing me to contribute to the community in such a meaningful way.”
“I really feel like it’s brought me closer to my peers. These are people who understand that ‘fun’ is synonymous with moderate and legal alcohol consumption” added Heavenrich.
Heavenrich is praised on campus for constantly upholding the college’s three main pillars: Sober, safe and smart.
“He really is a role model to us all,” said friend and admirer Martha Oster-Beal ’14. “Whenever I’m headed to a party, I always keep my fingers and toes crossed that Ben is going to be monitoring. I know it’s going to be a good, safe party when Ben is there to keep the music down.”
Since the College implemented the party monitor policy at the beginning of this semester, not a single student has gone to the wellness center due to alcohol consumption, not a single fight has occurred and no property has been damaged. Heavenrich’s involvement in the party monitor system has most certainly contributed to the semester’s clean record.
“Nothing gets past me!” said Heavenrich. “No one can crack a beer without me hearing it and I can detect even the quietest of sweet nothing whispers. No drinking or flirting around me, please!”
Heavenrich’s ability to party monitor so well probably comes from his dedication to making the most out of his college experience.
“I love Scrabble and Scattergories and I play them both regularly,” said Heavenrich. “If I’m feeling really crazy, I might even play Cards Against Humanity. What is college for if not having a really great time and getting a little wild?!?”
Congratulations, Ben! Keep up the good work!