Gerrick Poizun
Staff Writer
Wednesday morning, Wooster student Greg Samson woke from troubled dreams, and found himself transformed in bed into a senior with his I.S. unfinished. He lay on his back, thesis incomplete, and if he lifted his head he could see his pale belly, ribcage and belly-button exposed and I.S. still wanting. His two legs, pitifully thin compared with the size of the rest of him, lay there helplessly as his I.S. was still undone.
“What’s happened to me?” he thought. It wasn’t a dream. His room, a proper Armington room, although a little too small, lay peacefully between four familiar walls. A collection of internet articles lay spread out on the table — Samson was a senior, after all — and above it there hung a picture that he had recently printed off of tumblr and taped to the wall. It showed Jennifer Lawrence fitted out with a fur hat and fur boa sitting upright, raising heavy fur muff that covered the whole of her lower arm toward the viewer.
Greg then turned to look out the window at the snowy weather. Snowflakes could be seen falling to the ground, which made him feel quite sad. “How about I sleep a little longer and forget all of this nonsense,” he thought. But that was something he was unable to do, because his I.S. wasn’t finished and he was probably going to die. However hard he threw himself onto his right, he could not fall back asleep knowing his life was over. He must have tried it a hundred times, shut his eyes so he wouldn’t have to look at himself in shame, and only stopped when he began to feel a mild, dull pain in his head that he had never felt before. He was almost certain he had just had a brain aneurysm.