Matt Kodner
Dear New Couples,
I would like to apologize for my recent gawking, mocking and general lack of respect for you newer couples on campus. This past weekend, I was unable to restrain myself and literally knocked a chair over in Lowry because of the absurdity of a couple that could not stop kissing each other. Every moment that separated the two from each other was punctuated by a game of chicken like no other. Whoever was getting up to get a cup of water would awkwardly bend down towards the other, and launch into a series of fake-out pecks, until contact was finally made. Then they would make out for a few seconds, leave, return and begin the entire process anew.
Love is a beautiful thing, and I whole-heartedly embrace you, the underclassmen scallywags who have managed to find each other within this disorienting bubble of immaturity and drunken hookups. College romance is a delicate beast that demands a fine amount of taming to ensure its ultimate success. I understand that many of you have recently embarked on your respective journeys, but seriously, you need to quit it with the public face-eating.
When in a new relationship, it is easy to be overwhelmed with joy. It’s simple to pretend that the two of you exist in your own little world, and that no one else matters. However, that should not preclude you from respecting those around you. Sure, it’s cute to walk to class holding hands, but you’re crossing the line when you glue yourselves to each other’s hips during the noon rush at Lowry.
Slowly waltzing doublewide from International to Basics disrupts the already-frantic flow of the cafeteria, and makes your peers actively resent your relationship. Until you figure out how to detach and cope with the fleeting half-minute of loneliness, take your love-gait to Kitt, where you won’t hold up the rest of us.
Recently, an image macro proclaiming that ‘Up’ “told a better love story in 10 minutes than ‘Twilight’ did in four books” has been posted over and over again on Facebook. It’s an unnecessary low blow to an already-fading cultural institution, but it gets at an important and popular sentiment about relationships. The stories of the hot-bodied youths of today being sweaty together simply does not hold a candle to an elderly couple’s tragically romantic tale. The drama in “Up” resonates because it involves true and sustained loss, while “Twilight” focuses on the bratty, unrestrained here-and-now part of relationships.
Acting without restraint is an inescapable part of any relationship, but it rarely lasts longer than the initial get-together. It is an innocent phase that is almost always looked back at with a distinct mixture of disgust, revulsion and nostalgia that blends together into one kind of nauseous punch in the gut.
New couples on campus — you’ve had your moment in the sun, but it is time to grow up and come back to Earth. Do not fear the punch. Learn to love it, just as much as you loved flaunting your eight hickeys from last Friday night, but please move past it, and soon. Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Pretty soon spring break will be here, and you’ll be halfway across the country from each other, and you will actually have to deal with being apart. Have your fun necking in MacLeod’s while you can, but work towards a sustainable — and appropriate — relationship.